He's a Sexy MOFO!!!

On an ocean, on a boat, on a honeymoon long, long ago, my man dressed as a woman. Not for the hell of it. And not just for shits and giggles. But for a contest held for all newlywed couples on board. The challenge was to see which male could get "dolled up" the best in the allotted time. Each newlywed couple was grouped together with a bunch of non newlyweds and were tasked with finding clothes that would make the DUDE LOOK LIKE A LADY.

For those of you that know John, you know that he is not a small man. He is not a slight man. He is not even an average size man. John is, in fact, a 6'3", 225 lb hunk of man meat. In other words, John is a man that would require a slightly larger female wardrobe IF he were ever to enter a DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY contest. Which he did. On a cruise. On an ocean. On a honeymoon a long, long time ago.

Had John and I been more evenly proportioned, he could have borrowed this from me:

Cuz this is one of the dresses I wore on the cruise. (NO COMMENTS FROM THE PEANUT GALLERY) I was young and on a cruise. I was 21 yrs old and passionately in love with my new hubby. And apparently slutty was the look I was going for.

Instead, John borrowed clothes from a rather large, rather kind woman in our group. A woman that didn't have a wardrobe that necessarily screamed A DUDE WEARING MY CLOTHES WILL LOOK LIKE A RED HOT MOMMA!

But having such huge manly shoulders and a big beefy broad back, John had to wear what was available. I think he ended up in a rather cruise like tropical 2 piece moo-moo thingy, with sunglasses and a floppy wide brimmed hat. And perhaps a touch of blush and lip gloss....

In other words, John looked scary and about as UNLADYLIKE AS A DUDE CAN LOOK.

This is a snapshot of his on board competition (or most of them) When I saw them all lined up together, I had ZERO hope that John would win anything. Or that he would retain even one shred of dignity when the contest was over.

But I should know better than to doubt my man. Cuz when John competes, he competes to win!! And win he did!! Well, not first place, but my sexy MOFO hubby took 3rd place!!! He actually beat out about 12 other guys!! That's him up there collecting his 3rd place prize of MANY, MANY bottles of champagne. If you look closely, you can see the look of utter disgust on several of the loser men's/women's faces when John was called up. Those BEYOTCHES obviously thought they were all that and a bag of chips!!! They apparently had no idea how sexy John can look in a tropical print moo moo. :)

The winners were selected by a show of applause by the rather large audience in attendance. John's applause level was so loud, I actually thought he might have taken first place.

Until I saw who won.

Then I realized John never had a snowballs chance in hell of winning.

Cuz that DUDE not only LOOKED LIKE A LADY, he looked like he might be a DUDE wearing his VERY OWN LADY LINGERIE. It just fit him a little TOO perfectly.

I'm just sayin'...