It Is What It Is....

I am tired.

So very tired.

So very, very tired.

And I sound like a whiny baby. But I don't really care. Cuz I feel like a whiny baby. So sounding like one just makes sense.

And for the foreseeable future, I don't see my exhaustion getting any better. Cuz it's not a physical exhaustion that you can just sleep away. It's an emotional one. And in my opinion, that kind of exhaustion is the worst.

Cuz there's no pill to take, not even Ambien, that will soothe emotions. At least not mine. No amount of "happy" pills (of which I've never taken a one) would make me less emotionally exhausted. And no amount of Diet Coke, PRADA, neighborhood parties, Hostess cupcakes or wiener kisses will make this kind of exhaustion go away.

Cuz this exhaustion comes from the deepest recesses of my heart. Cuz this exhaustion is directly linked to the only man that makes my heart whole. Cuz this exhaustion stems from my inability to keep the love of my life safe from danger and away from pain.

And until he's whole again, my exhaustion will grow.

Cuz I'm a worrier by nature. A worrier by birth. A worrier by circumstance.

And when those close to me hurt, my worry grows. And grows. And grows.

Which in turn exhausts me emotionally.

And when the love of my life faces his tenth major surgery in almost as many years, I feel like I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. That I'm running in quicksand while carrying concrete blocks. That I'm climbing an endless set of stairs while balancing a piano on my head.

Cuz no matter how crazy it may sound, I want to make it all better for him. I want to take away his pain. I want to promise him that nothing else bad will happen and mean it.

But I can't do any of that and it sucks. It sucks big ass, exhausting me to the core, donkey balls. The biggest, baddest, most exhausting, sucktacular donkey balls you ever did see.

And you know what?

I HATE DONKEY BALLS .

The end.

I May Never Focus Again

Once again, I find my mind racing a million miles an hour, unable to focus on any one subject. My husbands continued quest to keep us living at or near a hospital seems to make me a bit scatterbrained. Which is why I am not even going to TRY to write a cohesive post. (Do I ever?)

Instead, I will let my mind do what my mind does best....think about all kinds of random crap, crap that caught my eye for one reason or another.

I just love this pic. Not only is that kiddo just about the cutest kiddo I've ever seen, but his smile is priceless. He is definitely a kid that doesn't appear to let his disability hold him back. And look how far he's come! How cool is it to see the progression of prosthetics this little guy has moved through? As the daughter of a below the knee amputee(who happens to have a kick ass, motorized prosthetic) I find pics like this life affirming. Just goes to show that no matter what life throws your way, you CAN overcome.

I would need a tongue-ectomy. Cuz if this happened to me, I could NOT put that tongue back in my mouth. Ever.

This could TOTALLY be photo shopped but I like it anyway. It accomplishes what I suspect the creative person set out to do. It made me smile.

There's ALWAYS one kid that has to ruin a perfectly good picture.

Apparently only the gooey center of a TUNA eyeball makes for good eating. Wonder what that left over "shell" could be used for?

Don't know where this is or how I will get there, but get there I will.

Anyone want to join me?

WHY, RONALD, WHY? What did Grimace ever do to you????

Always wondered how to make people really understand what my migraines feel like. Mission accomplished.

WTF? Seriously, WTF? Can anyone explain to me why anyone, anywhere would buy this?

Holy shit! Not the rolling pin!!! Apparently kitchen utensils are FAR SCARIER than knives, bats and clubs. Can you just imagine if they had a GUN EGG FRYER?

Sure hope the next jumper remembers to bring his or her cell phone.

How pissed would you be?

Cleaned up with MOST stuff tucked back in.

Any guesses as to what this is?

(Pic does NOT do the injury justice. Sooooo much worse in person)

Sigh....

2009 was supposed to be a SURGERY FREE year.

2009 was supposed to be a WE STAY OUT OF THE ER year.

2009 was supposed to be a TWOMEYS DON'T INCUR ANYMORE HUGE MEDICAL BILLS year.

Apparently "someone" wasn't listening.

Apparently "someone" didn't get the memo.

Apparently "someone" needed a little attention.

Cuz a mere 117 days into 2009, all that went by the wayside.

And John is to blame.

And although I want to strangle him for IGNORING THE MEMO, my heart breaks for him.

Cuz he has had more to deal with medically in the last 2 years than anyone I know.

And now he has this*.

Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers as he tries to ward off infection.

Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers as he faces yet another major surgery.

Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers as he deals with a long and uncertain recovery.

Basically, just keep him in your thoughts and prayers for the foreseeable future.

I promise to let you know when he no longer needs it.

(*Surgery to repair the nerves, tendons and arteries he severed in his right hand - his dominate hand - while at work yesterday. He has no feeling in several fingers and minimal feeling in the others. The goal is to reattach the nerves and to recover as much function as possible.)

Not The Normal Kind Of Morbid

According to UrbanDictionary.com,

the word MORBID can also mean

"cool (positively) or sick."

As in, "that was so morbid, let's do it again!"

So it's TOTALLY ok for me to slap these pics up here on MORBID MONDAY. Cuz the party we went to on Saturday night WAS SOOOOOO MORBID, I WANT TO DO IT AGAIN!!

Seriously, it was awesome.

It was even more awesomer (probably not a word but I'm using it anyway) than I thought it would be.

And we had a friggin' blast.

I HIGHLY recommend you either have or attend a FUNKY neighborhood party before you're too old to SHAKE YOUR GROOVE THING!!

(Costumes were optional but STRONGLY ENCOURAGED.)

I went for a 60's THAT GIRL/GET SMART/AUSTIN POWER FEMBOT look. The dress came from EBAY ($11.99) and the boots (a black pair I wore about 4 years ago) were spray painted white with paint from...you guessed it....Home Depot.

Tights came from Kohl's (do you now how freakin' hard it is to find white tights for anyone over the age of 6?) the sunglasses from Big Lots and the giant ass gold hoop earrings from Goodwill.

The boots were BY FAR the best part of the outfit as they were BY FAR the classiest part. As the night wore on, the spray paint cracked and peeled making them look even cheesier than they were to begin with. Yet I got quite a few compliments on them!

(Notice my wistful expression? I'm wondering if y'all like my boots.)

John looked fan-freakin-tastic! He went with a PORN/PIMP DADDY look. And at 6'3" he made quite an entrance. Not sure if it was the cheesy porn mustache, the red feather pimp hat, the black and red silk robe or the chest pelt of faux fur he was sporting that really "made" his outfit stand out but I ASSUME (after seeing the woman all beg to "pet his pelt") it was the chest hair.

And after a few beers and several jello shots, he was MORE THAN WILLING to let any and all (men included) rub his fur!

Our neighbor Laura took a few pics of me and my Pimp at the pre party, party. Yes, this neighborhood is so cool that we have parties to get ready for THE PARTY!

We could NOT have clashed more if we tried.

This pic is blurry but had to include it anyway. John really took the roll of Pimp serious that night. He felt like it was his right to discipline his woman!! Even blurry, you can tell how miserable I was...NOT!

(Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later?)

~~~

I'd like to say the rest of these pics are in some sort of order but they are absolutely not. My computer was being a bit funky when I was uploading pics and it wasn't happy when I tried to rearrange them. So instead of continually losing one or two, I decided to leave them as is.

~~~

Deal with it. :)

The jello shots were a huge hit. (But aren't they always?) John and Donna had one or two...or three or four.

Our host and hostess went all out with their costumes. Liz and Doug looked amazing. Not only did they dress the part, but they planned all the food to fit the funky/groovy theme. Notice the fondue on the counter?

I've said it a million times over, but our neighborhood is full of awesome people. Everyone gets along (at least I think we all do!) and everyone likes to have fun. Donna and Michelle stopped grooving on the dance floor long enough for me to snap a quick pic. The smiles say it all!

Donna and Liz were obviously having a horrible time..can't you tell?

Donna again but this time with her very good friend Sandy. Don't you just love all the wild prints everyone wore? And notice the cool (yet tacky as hell) decorations? :)

John was "loving the ladies." Too bad he's so damn introverted. It's amazing how Jello brings out his inner party animal!

John and Donna yet again. Donna arrived late so John took it upon himself to get her caught up in the JELLO SHOT category. Isn't he a nice guy?

When John couldn't find someone to rub his pelt, he just rubbed it himself!! It moved around all night so one never knew where the pelt might end up! I even managed to steal it a few times and run around with it.

It makes quite a cute loin cloth. ;)

Donna and Laura dancing the night away.

It's not hard to see how much fun we all had.

The host and hostess spent quite a bit of time on the dance floor.

Liz managed to dance so hard she lost her hair several times!

Donna's husband Chuck provided some background drumming for our entertainment. Who knew drums and disco music went so well together?

Amy looked adorable in her get up.

Looks like she walked right off the set of SOLID GOLD!

Amy's husband Jack sported an outfit he actually wore in HIGH SCHOOL!!!

It was so cool!!

Not at all sure what Pimp Daddy was saying to Jack but I'm sure it had something to do with Jack's awesome outfit. Maybe John was asking to borrow it???

Caroline and Matthew are so damn funny. I think I laughed more that night because of stuff they said then because of what people were wearing. Matthew was jealous of John's chest pelt so he felt the need to show off his own. Looking good Matthew!

Laura and I STRIKING A POSE.

There was no shortage of dancing.

Disco music just makes you want to move, move, move!!!

Yes, John and Donna were in most of the pics I took that night but if you could have seen how much fun they were having, you'd know why my camera kept turning their way. John's a sucker for a woman who laughs at his jokes. Add to that, a bunch of doctored up jello, and you get a guy that thought he was freakin' hysterical!

Am I HOT or what???

Wait...don't answer that!!

(GRRR, Baby, GRRRR!)

Everyone Needs a Good Laugh

If you say this isn't funny, I won't believe you.

Friday...Let the Weekend Begin!

It's Friday and it's SUPPOSED TO BE AN ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS WEEKEND HERE IN MAINE.

And I couldn't be happier.

Cuz I am SOOOOOOO ready for nice weather. Nice warm weather. Nice "if you need me, I'll be the one baking myself on the back deck" warm weather. With a wiener or two by my side. Cuz wieners LOVE warm weather. At least mine do. A lot. A warm wiener is a happy wiener...trust me.

Not only does this weekend promise to be nice and warm but it also promises to be fun. Cuz this weekend is the big BRING ON DA FUNK neighborhood party hosted by Liz and Doug. (y'all have no idea who they are but trust me when I say THEY ROCK!)

And not only is this a kick ass party in the making but it's also a COME DRESSED IN YOUR FUNKIEST/GROOVIEST outfit, NO HOLDS BARRED party. And we plan to do just that.

I can't wait to post pics of "the gang" as I know what several people are wearing and they will look damn good! Plus, I obviously know what I'm wearing and what Mr. Hallisicle is wearing. And if I must say so myself (and I must cuz this is my blog and I'm the only one writing this post) we look pretty groovy too. Mr. H decided to go all out or as all out as a 6'3," broad shouldered guy could go. He even took the whole weekend off from work so that he could really kick back and enjoy himself. How cool is that?

I plan to take lots of pics and slap any that are PC and blog appropriate up here for y'all to see!

Need to say thanks to everyone that entered yesterday's contest. I was happy to see that a bunch of you "got" Charlie's sense of humor and were chomping at the bit to win his book. Unfortunately, I could only give one away cuz Mr. Hills didn't offer to give everyone a free copy. Can't say that I blame him cuz publishing your own book costs money!!

Ran the handy dandy online number generator and came up with the lucky recipient of ONE SIGNED BY THE AUTHOR copy of Charlie's book.

JOANIE is now (or will be when it arrives) the proud owner of "WHY YOUR LAST DIET FAILED YOU AND HOW THIS BOOK WON'T HELP YOU ON YOUR NEXT ONE"

Congratulations JOANIE! Hop on over to Charlie's BLOG and leave him a comment letting him know that you won the WWoW book giveaway. And then go stand by your mailbox with a big ass smile on your face. That way, you'll be waiting when the book arrives AND you'll give your mailman something to wonder about. (Unless, of course, you wait by your mailbox everyday. In that case, your mailman won't think it's at all strange to find you standing there.)

Ending this post with a few more pics from my "MADE ME GO HMMMM" file.

This one didn't make me go HMMM as much as it made me go WHERE CAN I GET ONE? I love this stamp. And I think it would come in handy on a daily (if not hourly) basis.

Seems like the above WTF stamp would be perfect for this. Did someone seriously NOT realize where the switch would end "up?" (HUGE PUN INTENDED)

I think I actually love the saying under the picture more than the pic itself.
Anyone want to claim this beauty as their hubby/father/brother?
I didn't think so.

Click on this to make it bigger.
I dare you not to laugh.

Wonder if this car owner smokes?
Just a thought...

I know SEVERAL people who appear to live by this motto.
Anyone else want to admit to that as well?

Wonder if she still went on to eat that penis looking sausage thingy on her plate?

Or do penis looking sausage thingys taste gross when swimming in beer?

You go girl!!
(Moral of the story? DON'T EFF WITH EMILY.)

I have enough bathroom issues without adding LET'S PULL THE PAPER OUT OF SOMEONES BUTT HOLE to my list. And the worst part?

That picture seems a little too real...

Remember THIS post?
Remember how it dealt with one of my biggest fears?

Well, after seeing this pic, I may be adding Coconut Crabs to my list of THINGS I PRAY TO GOD I NEVER ENCOUNTER.

(no matter how yummy it's meat filled claws may be)