Happy Ween of the Hallow Variety!!

It may rain here tonight for all the little treat of the trickers, but we adults will still be GETTIN' OUR DRINK ON...cuz no amount of Mother Nature's wet stuff will keep us from Captain Morgan's elixir. Or Corona's golden smoothness. Or whatever wine the neighborhood winos choose to uncork.

(Or unscrew....Cuz honestly, these gals will drink just about anything that comes from the "wine" aisle!)

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So, Mother Nature, bring it on.

We ain't scared.

We have LIQUID COURAGE!!!! :)

So Little Brain Power, So Many Frags

Mrs. 4444 says it's time to frag.

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Short and to the point.

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Cuz after spending one week wondering WHAT THE HELL DIED IN OUR KITCHEN, my creative brain is a bit fried.

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Good thing frags require only minimal creativity!!

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*I hate fast food drive thrus...but not for the reason you think. Cuz if I'm working my way through a drive thru, it's because I'm jonesin' for a Whopper Jr. Or Chicken McNuggets. Or a very yummy Frosty.

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What I HATE is the panicked feeling I get when the VOICE FROM BEYOND continually screams out, "MAY I HELP YOU?" as I'm trying desperately to make up my mind.

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And before you accuse me of getting in line UNPREPARED, let me point out that I totally DO know what I want when I take my place in line. It's just that something unexplainable happens between the time my car enters the line and the time that the VOICE FROM BEYOND starts squawking.

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I like to call it the "OH MY GOD, MAYBE I DON"T WANT WHAT I ORIGINALLY WANTED AND NOW NEED TO QUICKLY ATTEMPT TO CHANGE MY MIND CUZ I'M PISSIN' OFF THE PEOPLE IN THE CAR BEHIND ME AND THE VOICE FROM BEYOND SOUNDS IRRITATED AND WON'T SHUT UP, ONLY TO DECIDE I DO IN FACT WANT WHAT I ORIGINALLY SELECTED" phenomenon.
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*Text messages from my youngest kiddo that start off with "my tooth chipped" do NOT make me all warm and fuzzy. Cuz this is the same kiddo that's sportin' $6200.00 worth of VERY RECENT dental work. Damn soccer ball and damn kid that kicked said soccer ball. Is it odd if I wrap Connor's head in bubble wrap?
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*October's yearly dilemma for Hallie:

Do I buy the candy I like and then try like hell NOT to eat the leftovers?

(Which my fat ass does NOT need.)

Or I do I buy the Halloween candy I hate and then bitch loudly when we have leftovers I WON'T eat?

(Which my fat ass appreciates.)

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*Walking into a cloud of gas of an unknown origin...as I'm innocently shopping...is truly nauseating. Cuz gas (aka floating fecal particles) is the LAST thing I need to enhance my shopping experience. I propose that alarms go off and lights flash whenever someone "drops an air deuce" in a public place.
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*Leaves.Suck.Massive.Donkey Balls. Cuz unless those effers agree to STAY ON THE DAMN TREE WHERE THEY FRIGIN' BELONG, I will NEVER like them. 26 bags so far and NOWHERE near the end. And as a side note....I think it should be TOTALLY LEGAL to dump any leaf that falls into your yard from a neighbors tree, back onto their property. Seriously. Not only should it be legal to RETURN THEM TO SENDER, but the OWNER should have to come and retrieve them himself.

I'm IN LOVE with the "CLEAN" version of this video...for obvious reasons!

I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT!!

But I also love the "NOT SO CLEAN" VERSION too!!

If you're daring enough to watch this one, watch the WHOLE THING! Cuz it all makes sense in the end!!

Links to both in case the videos don't show up!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxRtsv9yH5w&NR=1

Clean version

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RkYoVv5NGA&NR=1&feature=fvwp

Unclean version

Jeff Goldblum...The Younger Years

Doesn't every good fly have a wiener by his side?

Things a Wiener Woman Finds Intriguing

Coolest lizard/gecko thing ever. How amazing would it be to blend into your surroundings like that? Just think...I could "hide" amongst the PRADA bag display at Saks and never be discovered!!
Best Halloween costumes EVER. And no, I'm NOT talking about the stupid storm trooper or lame ass security guy. Cuz those two things SUCK MASSIVE DONKEY BALLS as compared to the TOTALLY AWESOME, TOTALLY ROCK MY WORLD "yip yaps" from Sesame Street. I LOVED THEM SOOOOOOO MUCH when I was younger. And I TOTALLY PUFFY HEART them now!!

Don't get these at all. I mean, I KNOW they're supposed to be breasts made out of chocolate but why is the top "pair" sporting a see through brown bra? That IS supposed to be a bra, right? And it IS see through. If it wasn't, I don't think there would be such obvious nipplage showing. At least the bottom "pair" makes a little more sense. That one appears to have a very sheer, mostly see thru white bra. But the top set? Just not sittin' right with me.

I am TOTALLY considering blowing this up and carrying it with me AT ALL TIMES. Cuz this dude really SAYS IT LIKE IT IS.

These wouldn't make it in my house for 5 minutes. Fenway would have to kill them. Instantly. Cuz Fenway STRONGLY believes that ANYTHING furry and soft is fair game for a wiener thrashing. She can be VERY unladylike when confronted with a stuffed animal. What she'd do to a mean looking stuffed slipper like this makes me cringe.

Maybe it's because I'm obsessed with promoting organ donation. Or maybe it's because I had a hella lot of Hello Kitty when I was growing up. Either way, this speaks to me in ways that I can't explain.

I THINK this is a bar in Russia. Although I can't be totally certain. Cuz quite frankly, I saved the pic but FAILED to make note of where I found it. For some reason, Russia keeps popping into my head. I really hope I'm right. Cuz I REALLY want to go there and sit in one of those kick ass chairs.

(How hard can it be to find a nameless bar in Russia?)

I'm oddly craving a t-bone steak right now. Not my fault though....the artist's the one that decided to lop off the legs.

Everyone Might Have Been Crying But I STILL Found a Friend!

When I traveled to Westboro, MA this weekend to read the letter I wrote to my Dad's donor family, I KNEW it would be emotional. When I agreed to read that letter in front of all those people, I KNEW it would be amazing. And when I offered to share my heartfelt words in such a public manner, I KNEW it would leave me feeling humbled.

What I didn't know or expect, was that I would end up meeting 2 women that I INSTANTLY wanted to call my friends. (I'd say GREAT friends but since they MIGHT be reading this, I don't want them to think I'm a crazy stalker. Figure I'll let them learn that one on their own!)

Seriously, I had no idea that my path would cross with two such awesome people. And awesome they are.

Amy and Michele sat at the same table as my Dad and CJ. Amy was there, in honor of her twin sister Mandy, who tragically died in a car accident 6 years ago. Amy was asked to take part in the candle lighting portion of the ceremony. Amy and Michele introduced themselves to us and it was as if we had known them forever.

Even sitting there, surrounded by grieving families, our small group was able to laugh a little and connect a lot. Amy and Michele even "got" my Dad's humor which is pretty miraculous. (I adore my Dad but not everyone ADORES his unique sense of humor!)

The conversation was easy and never seemed forced. It was simply a wonderful experience.

By the end of the event, information had been exchanged so that we might reconnect in the future.

Which, via this blog and the crazy world of FB, we've done already.

And I couldn't be anymore pleased if I tried.

Cuz I was right. They ARE awesome. And we ARE already forming the basis for a kick ass friendship.

And I can't stop smiling.

Cuz although I went there to GIVE my words of thanks to ALL the donor families in attendance, I GOT two new friends.

And for that, I am HUGELY thankful.

I guess the saying is true....if you do good things, good things will come back to you.

Cuz finding new friends in the most unexpected place is certainly A GOOD THING.

A Picture's Worth A Thousand "WTF's?"

When thinking up ideas for my MORBID MONDAY posts, I do A LOT of research. Cuz although I have tons of morbid ideas floating around my otherwise angelic brain (stop laughing) occasionally I need help. Help to come up with a topic I have yet to cover. Cuz sometimes, it's really tough to uncover something morbid that hasn't been talked about already.

Which is why I LOVE ME SOME GOOGLE.

Cuz google, when finessed and spoken to ever so sweetly, coughs up some kick ass subject matter. It actually delivers to my "morbidly curious head" stuff that I might otherwise NOT have thought of.

Like these pics.

I call them, "SHIT THAT SHOULDN'T SHOW UP IN AN XRAY." Or, if that doesn't sum it up adequately, "WHY THE HELL DID YOU SHOVE THAT THERE?" might work as well.

Reason #861 you should NOT offer to stand with an apple on your head.

So THAT'S where I left my keys.

Picture on the right makes me cringe. Picture on the left makes me hungry for cake.

This is one bottle of soda I do NOT want to drink.

If you need to pick your nose, use your finger.

Hard to tell what that is in this xray (Syringe? Balloon? Bicycle pump?), but whatever it is, I suspect it shouldn't be THERE.

I love this one ONLY because that's EXACTLY what my head feels like when I get a migraine and EXACTLY where it hurts.

I don't care who's calling, I ain't home.

If It Were Only This Easy...

But because it's not, I'm off doing my part to raise organ donation awareness.

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If you're not already an organ donor, please take a minute to consider signing up.

It truly CAN make a difference.

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Just ask my father.

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"Why take your organs to heaven...heaven knows we need them here."

Laugh or Admit You're Dead...It's That Simple!

I'M A FRAG HAG

Fragging and Fridays go together like cookies and cream.

Like green eggs and ham.

Like Wheat Thins and Ambien.

(Trust me....they do.)

So who am I to upset the perfect FRAG and FRIDAY relationship that Mrs. 4444 @ Half Past Kissin' Time has created???

*Speaking of FRAGS....Fraggle Rock was/is (in reruns) a GREAT little show. Fraggles are just cute. And industrious. And Muppets...which makes them awesome in my book. Cuz Muppets? Muppets make me happy. :) "Dance your cares away, worries for another day, Let the music play, (boom, boom, boom), Down at Fraggle Rock!"

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*Why is it that I expect the stuff I list on EBAY to SELL INSTANTLY? And when it doesn't IMMEDIATELY get a bid, I start cursing all Ebayers everywhere? And yes, before you ask, I DO know that there are 10 gazillion other items for sale at any one time on Ebay. But I don't care. It's my stuff and I want it to sell NOW!!!!
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*I am totally serious when I tell you that I look different in EVER MIRROR I SEE. Cuz I SWEAR my hair looked good when I left the house yesterday morning. But when I got to work and caught a glance of myself in the bathroom, I thought someone else was looking back at me.....someone with NOT SO GOOD LOOKING HAIR!! WTF? Aren't all mirrors the same? Is there some grand mirror conspiracy I'm unaware of?
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*Wednesday, I had a hair stuck in my cleavage that drove me effing crazy. And no, Mr. Smarty Pants, the hair was NOT attached to me. (Last I looked, my chesticles were hair free) No, it didn't sprout there. Which is a good thing. Cuz I'd lose my shit if I found a hair THIS long growing between "the girls." This stupid hair apparently migrated from my head all the way down to my cleav. (short for cleavage...stay with the program people!) And proceeded to tickle me like a son of bitch until I went fishing to find the source. Hair between your boobs? Not pleasant. Trust me.
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*I've decided that closed toilet lids, although aesthetically pleasing, scare the crap out of me. (No pun intended. Well, maybe a LITTLE pun.) Cuz when I walk into the bathroom at work and see the toilet seat down, I experience a supreme case of paranoia...paranoia as to WHAT I might "find" under that lid. And that my blogging friends, is NOT how I want to start off my work day.

*Last week I had it BAD for the adorably puckered up BAT FISH. Yep, I wanted to plant one on it in the worst way. But this week, my heart belongs to another. Another known as the Dumbo Octopus. Cuz MAN OH MAN, do I want to squish the hell outta that little guy!!!

KNICK KNACKS???? NO WAY!!!

I've caught a few episodes of HOARDERS lately and it's had a horrible effect on me.

Because of this show and the horrific illness they showcase, I now want to throw away everything I own. And I do mean almost everything.

Which is a HUGE problem for the likes of me. Cuz I am, by nature, a minimalist. A true, honest to goodness, God fearing minimalist.

I'm actually the exact OPPOSITE of a hoarder.

I save almost nothing. I despise clutter. Knick knacks are my own personal hell.

In our house the running joke is, "If it's not nailed down, out it goes." Seriously. Poor John has lost many a loose items to one of my "must minimize our already minimal clutter" episodes. Yet he still loves me. Go figure. :)

So when a true minimalist like myself gets motivated to rid her world of even MORE stuff, it's a problem. A REAL problem.

Cuz I can't resist the urge to purge.

And I can't stop jonesin' to TOSS.SOMETHING.OUT. Or BAG.SOMETHING.UP. Or PUT.SOMETHING.OUTSIDE.

(and hope that it somehow finds a new home)

Nope, I can't stop the need to CLEANSE MY ENVIRONMENT. Which, as I pointed out, is a problem. And not appreciated by those that live here. Although truth be told, John is pretty much a minimalist anyway. Which makes it easier on both of us. Cuz when both people dislike "stuff," it's harder to throw something out that will be TRULY missed!

But Connor? Connor is another story altogether. Cuz Connor likes STUFF. Lots of stuff. But not in a hoarding kind of way. Just in a 16 year old teenage boy kind of way. Actually, I suspect that he's pretty normal in his "stuff liking" way.

And if he's ever not? I'm here to straighten him out.

LUCKY HIM!!!! :)

(Off to take a look around.....I just KNOW there's more clutter hidden somewhere!)

**Georgie...you won the $25 AMEX gift card!! Congrats!!! Not only does your comment EXACTLY speak to WHY I will forever continue to raise organ donation awareness, but it also made my spirits SOAR!! Thank you for sharing that most perfect moment. Your words truly will help me KEEP ON, KEEPIN' ON!)

Pictures of My Wieners

Feel free to click on the pics to enlarge my wieners.

(And yes...my inner adolescent boy is alive and well!!)

**Contest winner to be announced tomorrow cuz I'm having a hell of a time deciding which comment I like best! Feel free to scroll down and enter to win if you haven't already! Might as well make my job harder!!)

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Cool blog makeover contest over at Creative Blog Design! Becky is giving one lucky winner a complete blog make over!!! Hop on over and enter!! And tell her I sent you!!

Words Could Make You A Winner!

In 5 short days, I will publicly read the letter I wrote my Dad's donor family. On Sunday I will travel to Massachusetts to take part in a wonderful ceremony. I will stand in front of a large group of people directly affected by organ donation....those that chose to donate their loved ones organs to save another.

To say that it's a humbling experience is an understatement, because it's so much more that that. It's truly a life altering moment.

And I should know. Because I've already done this once before. And I'm STILL riding on an emotional high.

Reading the letter here in Maine was unforgettable. It really was.

And the ironic thing? The New England Organ Bank asked me to read my letter to help others see what a powerful impact organ donation has. Asked me to read my letter to help others know how grateful organ recipients and their families are. Asked me to read my letter to inspire people to continue to give the greatest gift they will ever be asked to give.

Yep, they asked ME to help others.

Yet I think this experience helped ME more than anyone else.

Because I walked away from that reading more EMPOWERED to continue spreading my message, more GRATEFUL to those who, in losing their life, made life possible and more INSPIRED by those that made the ultimate choice to save a life.

Yes, I walked away a better person for the experience. And I can't wait to do it again.

To help prepare me for Sunday's event, I thought I might ask y'all to feed my soul.

With inspirational words.

Or poems.

Or lyrics.

Or positive affirmations.

Basically anything that will help keep me riding on this euphoric high as I ready myself for Sunday.

And to thank you for taking the time to "build my spirits," I'm giving away the $25.00 American Express gift card that was initially donated to my raffle, given away, then returned to give away once again. :)

I TOTALLY realize that y'all would probably have left an uplifting comment without the possibility of winning something, but I'm STILL giving the gift card away. It makes me feel good and it's my blog...so that's that!!

Take a minute to leave me a comment with something that makes YOU feel good, something that inspires/motivates you to keep on keepin' on.

Doesn't matter if it's long or short, serious or funny, original to you or not.

Whatever works for you, just might work for me. :)

***Judging will be COMPLETELY subjective - whichever one I like most, wins!!!

NOT a Swell Smell

In honor of the foul, nasty smelling odor emanating from my kitchen wall, I give you these 2 pictures. Cuz these two pics most accurately depict what I think is causing the smell.

And smell it does. Like death. Like death that died 3 weeks ago. Like death that died 3 weeks ago AFTER being dead for 6 months. Yep, it smells THAT BAD.

And we can't find what's causing it. Which pisses me off. A LOT.

Cuz the smell of death in your kitchen is NOT pleasant. NOT. AT. ALL.

I've decided that since the wall space behind our kitchen counter is not big enough to support the weight of a human corpse (that's where the smell SEEMS to be coming from) that the smell is most likely NOT that of a rotting person. But if it COULD support the weight of a human body, I would DEFINITELY say that that's the cause. Cuz it smells that bad. Did I mention that?

So instead of assuming it's rotting human flesh, I'm assuming it's rotting rodent flesh. Cuz quite frankly, that's the only thing that makes sense.
Yep...this is what I imagine is currently residing in my kitchen wall. Pleasant, huh?
And when I close my eyes at night (courtesy of my beloved friend Ambien), this is what I envision happening just out of my reach. (Not that I want to reach out and touch the damn thing but I WOULD like to find the effer and throw it the hell out)

For now, we sit and wait for the noxious fumes to dissipate. Well, sit and wait AND spray ridiculous amounts of Febreeze, Oust and Lysol.

Which, according to Connor, simply makes it smell like LEMONY DEATH.

Which, according to us all, sucks MAJOR ROTTING RODENT FLESH DONKEY BALLS. :(

Jonestown Anyone???

Fridays mean NOTHING to me if I can't frag. Which means Mrs. 4444 from Half Past Kissin' Time is a damn fine brain washer....one that makes a MEAN glass of Kool Aid.

*Motion activated coupon dispensers at grocery stores should be outlawed. Cuz at 6:56 AM, when you whip in to grab some Diet Coke, ANYTHING that unexpectedly talks to you in the Kleenex aisle is NOT APPRECIATED. Stupid tiny woman inside that tiny stupid motion activated screen should be made to pay for the year of life I lost when she screamed out HELLO.

*"Something inside has died and I can't hide it, I just can't fake it." And by inside I mean IN OUR WALLS....we think. Cuz we looked everywhere else and found nothing. But something in the kitchen is NOT good. And smells like it MIGHT be coming from behind the cabinets. And I'm NOT happy. And can't stop singing that damn Carole King song.

*If you see an errant nipple laying around my house, it's mine. Cuz it was so cold yesterday that I'm pretty sure one of mine fell off. Sorry kids, it needed to be said.

*I suck major donkey balls. Yet John still loves me. Poor guy adores ANYTHING made with apples. Apple pie, apple crisp, apple dumplings. If it's got apples (and maybe some cinnamon) John is a happy man. So do you think I made him ANYTHING with apples this apple picking season? Better yet, do you think I even WENT apple picking? I'm such a failure....

*I wish Someday, Someway by Marshall Crenshaw would somehow make a comeback. Cuz I love that damn song. And I don't hear it nearly enough.

*Does anyone else ever find themselves wondering how Isaac, Julie and Captain Stubing are doing...and then remember that The Love Boat wasn't real? :(

*I have an overwhelming urge to kiss this:

I mean if this Rosy Lipped Bat Fish didn't pucker up for me, than who??

A Hooker Is, As a Hooker Does

In honor of todays Writing Workshop prompt from Mama Kat, I'm reposting the entry I first wrote back in May 2008.

Cuz although I COULD write about it again, nothing's gonna change the fact that I WAS, in fact, named after a hooker.

Yep, it's true. And my Dad INSISTS I share this tidbit of info with y'all. He tried to do so himself via a comment on my post entitled "What's In A Name?" but he wasn't tech savvy enough to pull it off. So instead, he called me and told me to do it myself. And then he told me I HAD TO DO IT cuz y'all would WANT TO KNOW.

So here I am.....revealing that I was, in fact, NAMED AFTER A HOOKER.

A beautiful hooker with a beautiful name.....according to my father.

Apparently, my Dad watched a movie sometime around my delivery. The movie was called A WALK ON THE WILDSIDE (1962). The main character, played by a french actress named Capucine, was a hooker named Hallie. And apparently, my Dad became smitten. Ask him yourself and he'll tell you what he told me. She was beautiful and she had a beautiful name. Case closed.
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Not sure he TOLD my mom where the name Hallie came from (when he nixed her choice of Lisa Marie) but whatever he said, it worked.

And now, years later, I am sharing my dirty secret with y'all. Well, really it's my Dad's dirty secret. Well, really it's not cuz if you know my Dad (and some of you do) you know that nothing IS really dirty to him! :)

He thinks it's entirely normal that he named his daughter after a beautiful HOOKER with a beautiful name!

"Hi, my name is Hallie and I was named after a hooker."

"Hi, Hallie!"

***Don't think I'll burst my Dad's bubble re: his beloved Capucine. Probably wouldn't thrill him to know that his "crush" suffered from bipolar disorder throughout her life and attempted suicide several times. Might not help either for him to know that in 1990, at the age of 57, she finally succeeded by jumping from her eighth-floor apartment. I doubt that THAT image is how he wants to remember her!

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***I will also add that today, as an adult, I TOTALLY appreciate my name. I LIKE that I'm one of the only Hallie's around. And that when people call out "Hallie," they are most likely looking for me. (Ok, that's not always a good thing but most of the time it is)

But as a kiddo? I HATED IT!! Nothing had my name on it. NOTHING.AT.ALL.

No barrettes, no stationary, no cute plastic license plates for the back of my banana seat bike.

And DAMN....did I REALLY, REALLY want one of those license plates!!

God bless my wonderful co-worker Christine, who after hearing about my sad non-license plate youth, surprised me with this:
I will cherish it ALWAYS. :)

Funk You

I'm in a HUGE funk. Which appears to be never ending. Well at least not SOON ending. Cuz stress has a way of sticking around. Which sucks...you guessed it....MASSIVE DONKEY BALLS.

So in an attempt to cheer myself up, I decided to list a few things that currently make me happy.

In lieu of getting the everyday PRADA bag I so justly deserve,(which would perk me up ASAP), I decided to write this list.

(This is only a few of the things that currently make me happy. There's obviously more. But I'm too "funktified" to list them all.)

Not sure it really helped but it DID make me smile...briefly.

I'm happy....

-that people notice when I'm missing from the blogging world. And that those people contact me via other methods to make sure I'm alive. Which is cool. And nice to know that if no one was around to find my body in real life, that someone in the blogging world would call 911 before I started to rot.

-that I managed to buy a bunch of Xmas presents this past weekend. Cuz there's ONLY 72 days left and I'm usually much farther ahead than I currently am. Of course I have a crap load left to buy but at least I started. Ok, ok...I DID get myself one item but only because John likes how my butt looks when I wear them! How can I NOT buy them?

-that I have 2 crazy ass wieners to greet me each and every time I walk in/out of a door...as if I've been gone for years. I highly recommend each of you find a wiener and embrace it lovingly. Read into that what you will.

-that ACE OF CAKES exists cuz CAKE BOSS is the worst.show.ever. And now I will probably be "offed" for saying that. Cuz I'm convinced that CAKE BOSS is merely a "not so clever" cover for the mafia.

-that John trips over himself to turn the channel if I'm in the room and a spider shows up on the screen. Cuz in HD, spiders are horrifying...even more than they normally are. And although we don't have the biggest flat screen TV mounted on our wall, 42" of spider is 42" TOO MANY.

-that my BFF reminds me OFTEN that my life is better because of her, that no one will ever replace me in her eyes and that John and I'd sleep MUCH better with her sandwiched between us. Yep, she said that. Apparently all my life is lacking is a Kimmy smamich. ;) (Never said she was normal.)

-that the Duggars seem to truly love each of the gazillion kiddos they have. Figure that in and of itself is pretty impressive. Wonder if they always like them?