Wonderful World of Wieners: 5/1/10

Written by Dayna and Kimmy

Dear Friends,

It’s been four weeks since C.J.’s sudden and unexpected death and, for the Twomey family, each moment seems to take so much effort. Grief is a long process and each day has brought new challenges on top of the mountain of challenges already in front of them. Those who hold them close are struggling as they witness such horrific pain and longing. C.J. is missed in a way that is indescribable and the pain of his loss is truly unfathomable.

On Mother’s Day, Hallie, John and Connor, as a family, made the decision to participate in the “Out of the Darkness Overnight.” This is a walk sponsored by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention that they learned about through Hallie’s brother, David. After hearing about this walk, they made the decision to take this journey, together, as a family. Over the course of the last week, with the Twomey family’s blessing, the team has grown to include some of Hallie and John’s family as well as some of their closest friends.

“Out of the Darkness Overnight” is an 18-mile walk that will take place on June 26th-27th throughout the streets of Boston, beginning at dusk and continuing till dawn. We will all walk proudly beside them and support them during this journey. This is not just a walk to honor C.J., this is also a walk to prevent another family from ever feeling the horrific pain that the last four weeks has brought the Twomey family.

In light of that, each member of TEAM CJ must raise a minimum of $1000.00 to be able to participate. Hallie and John would want nothing more than for each member of the team to be able to walk with them on this journey. Would you consider supporting them? If so, we have thought of a few suggestions:

1. Please click here to donate to a member of TEAM CJ (you will find that every team member will be listed on this page). Please check to see how much each person has received and donate FIRST to those walkers who have NOT raised their minimum. Once all walkers have reached their minimum $1,000.00 donation, please continue to donate to whomever you wish.

2. If you are so moved, family and friends can also purchase Luminaries for the walk in the amount of $5.00 each. The bag will be sent to you to decorate and then for you to send back. These will be placed on the route and everyone will see these Luminaries in honor of C.J. as they walk throughout the night.

We recognize that many of you grew to love C.J. through Hallie’s words, descriptions, pictures and stories. We thought it would be nice to share with you a little about his funeral services. We know many of you would have like to have been there as we celebrated C.J.’s life and mourned his death.

Two funeral services were held for C.J. The first service was in Maine, where he lived most of his life. This was held just a week after his death. The service in Maine was preceded by a wake, where a phenomenal slide show of C.J.’s life, lovingly made by his Aunt Shelley, played in the background. Pictures of C.J. adorned the room and family, friends, neighbors and loved ones all came together to support each other, to hug each other and to hold the Twomey family up in prayer. Hallie’s brother, David, read an amazing poem entitled, "Letter from Heaven", that was given to Hallie by a friend. The next morning, at the funeral home, a full military honors ceremony was performed with TAPS being played and Connor receiving his brother’s American Flag. Afterwards, everyone made their way to the church and many commented on how long the funeral procession was, which stretched for miles.

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The second service, similar to the one in Maine, was held just outside of Boston. Hallie and John are originally from that area and C.J. was born in that area as well. It made Hallie so happy to learn that John was able to locate the priest who baptized C.J. 20 years ago. It truly was a blessing to have Father Paul preside over C.J.’s final service.

At both services, Hallie eulogized C.J. with John and Connor literally standing on either side of her. Followers of this blog will not be surprised to learn that her words were eloquent, poignant, heartbreaking and funny all at the same time. Hallie began her eulogy by saying that, while it’s apparently not protocol for a mother to eulogize her son, she was not a normal mother and C.J. was not a normal son… he was an extraordinary one. Truer words have never been spoken.

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C.J. was extraordinary. From the smile that rarely left his face, to the way he gave to others and the way he seemed to love life. And, this is what makes his death that much more heartbreaking. Just four short weeks ago, C.J. took his own life and that has left a mountain of questions and a lifetime of hurt. Of course, with many suicides, “why” is a question that will forever haunt all who loved him.

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Many have asked how the Twomey family is doing. Hallie and John long to hold C.J. again, to talk to him, to have him walk in the room or pose with that cheesy smile. The grief is not only for the loss of their beloved son, but for the future they thought they would have together. The future that included watching their son grow into a man, become a husband and someday a father. Last week, Hallie and John returned to work, but each day does not bring them any closer to peace, but rather deeper in grief as it sinks in that C.J. will not be coming home. The longing grows; as does the intensity.

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Connor misses his brother and has shown grace and maturity well beyond his 16 years. One of the most touching moments of the service was at the wake when Hallie was kneeling in front of C.J.'s ashes, crying. Connor knelt down beside her, put his arm around her, pulled her head to his shoulder and kissed the top of her head. This is a family that is held together by their love and support for each other. Connor’s grief is real and his world has been forever changed. As Hallie said at the funeral, Connor’s future with his brother has been robbed; they were supposed to argue over what color Jell-O to bring John and Hallie in the nursing home.

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Of course, extended family and friends have been devastated by C.J.'s death as well. Both Hallie and John’s families have been an amazing source of support, as have the amazing neighbors who were already like family to the Twomey’s. They have graciously stepped in to give support, cook meals, offer friendship and to just be someone to sit with. The blog friends near and far have also been an enormous support and little Charlie, C.J.’s pen pal, was able to be with the Twomey family at the second funeral service.

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Hallie, John and Connor are so thankful for your messages of support, for the donations made to the fund started on their behalf, but they are most thankful for your unwaivering love and your continued prayers. The pain has not lessened and the longing for C.J. continues, but they are grateful that so many people are there to share in their memories of C.J., to support them, to love them and to pray for them.

We would like to share a very special song that Hallie and John picked out in honor of their son. Hallie used to remind C.J. all the time they would someday dance to this song at his wedding. The truth could not be said more simply than this:

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"You'll be in my Heart" by Phil Collins.

C.J., we all love you and miss you with every breathe we take...

*NOTE FROM HALLIE*

As a way to unite our team and as a way to honor our beloved son, John, Connor and I have designed TEAM CJ shirts to be worn by our team walkers on the 18 mile "Out of the Darkness/Overnight" walk through Boston. John and I will buy a shirt for each of our team members so that we will all proudly display CJ's handsome face as we walk.

We were asked by several different people to offer these same shirts for sale to anyone that can not walk physically with the team, but would like to be with us in spirit. It was suggested that selling TEAM CJ shirts to anyone that is interested, would be a great way to raise more money for the walk. Each shirt will be available for between $25.00 and $30.00. (not yet sure of the exact final cost) This amount will cover the cost of the shirt and shipping and still allow us to have a little left over to donate to any team member that has not yet met their goal. (if all team members meet their goal, we will just add the additional money to the team total. Every dollar makes a difference...the more we raise, the better.)

There is absolutely no pressure for you to purchase a shirt. We were simply asked to offer it as an option. The pics below show the shirt in a draft form. The final version is not yet completely finished. The shirt WILL look very close to the ones in the pic. If you are interested in purchasing one, please email me at fenwaydog@roadrunner.com indicating how many shirts you would like and in what sizes.

Here is the back of the shirt. It is one of the sayings 2 1/2 year old CJ said whenever he wanted something. He would put his hands on either side of John's or my face and boldly state, "ARE YOU SINKIN' WHAT I'M SINKIN'?" This question was usually followed up with, "I'M SINKIN' I NEED ANOTHER COOKIE!"

He was awesome. I miss him more than I can describe.

Hallie