Everything reminds me of CJ.
Every song, every smell, every sound in some way or another reminds me of the son I no longer have.
And that's hard. Really, really hard.
Didn't realize until this weekend that one thing...no, one person reminds me more than anything of what is no more.
Yet, I love seeing this person more than I can describe.
This person adored my CJ. And my CJ adored this person.
They were almost 20 years apart in age yet age didn't matter.
They both lit up like fireworks on the fourth of July when they saw each other and they both made other people happy.
Their time together was cherished. He made her giggle and she made him feel important.
She talked about him as much as her little vocabulary allowed and he beamed with pride when he spoke of her.
They just clicked from the get go.
Now he's gone.
But she isn't.
His whole life came and went in less than 21 years yet her life is just starting.
That one thought brought me to tears as I watched her play this weekend.
She will never see him again.
She might even forget about him.
Breaks my heart.
MY beloved CJ is gone.
HIS precious Sarah is still here.
I think I'll always cry a little inside when I see her cheesy smile.
Every song, every smell, every sound in some way or another reminds me of the son I no longer have.
And that's hard. Really, really hard.
Didn't realize until this weekend that one thing...no, one person reminds me more than anything of what is no more.
Yet, I love seeing this person more than I can describe.
This person adored my CJ. And my CJ adored this person.
They were almost 20 years apart in age yet age didn't matter.
They both lit up like fireworks on the fourth of July when they saw each other and they both made other people happy.
Their time together was cherished. He made her giggle and she made him feel important.
She talked about him as much as her little vocabulary allowed and he beamed with pride when he spoke of her.
They just clicked from the get go.
Now he's gone.
But she isn't.
His whole life came and went in less than 21 years yet her life is just starting.
That one thought brought me to tears as I watched her play this weekend.
She will never see him again.
She might even forget about him.
Breaks my heart.
MY beloved CJ is gone.
HIS precious Sarah is still here.
I think I'll always cry a little inside when I see her cheesy smile.
Hard not to.
Someone else had one just like it.
6 Wienerific Comments:
I don't think Sarah will forget CJ. Because you will all make sure that she remembers. I wish I could bring him back. I wish we could enjoy that cheesy smile again. Bust Sarah having that same smile I believe is a sign CJ's light shines through her. Love you my friend!
yep she has his smile and she wont forget because you will help her remember!
Love ya.
You know what, Hal. I really worried Austin would forget Memaw. The most important person in my life....I worried b/c he wasn't even two when she died, that he would forget her. He still recognizes her in pictures. Memaw. Memaw. He still asks for her. (We tell him she's in heaven) She is a part of him and he carries her own. Her light shines on in him. Just as I believe CJ's light will shine on in Sarah (ironically...Memaw's given name.)
xoxox
Yesterday, as I was going through your pictures from the day, I was thinking the exact same thing about Sarah. I found myself saying a silent little prayer that, even as young as she was, she will still remember him. I could just tell, from all of the pictures, that they were each other's person. Kind of like me and my Grandma, also Sarah. Then, I saw the baby cheesy smile when Charlotte grabbed the sunglasses. Blood is shared, Hallie. Parts of CJ live on. It is wonderful and beautiful and heartbreaking all at the same time. I wish none of us ever had to know what it is like to miss people with every fiber of our being...
She will see him again, you can count on that!
Hallie,
The photo is darling. Just precious.
Love you so,
SB
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