I was not everything I could have been for CJ. I tried. But I lacked in many ways.
Those who tell me otherwise don't truly know.
I loved him. But I failed him.
Trying desperately not to fail Connor.
Suicide is a hideous beast.
But so is hindsight.
Love you Shmoops.
6 Wienerific Comments:
I pray so hard for your guilt to go away. CJ and God both know your unconditional love for him. We all have failed as parents, you are not alone. We make mistakes, I'm still going to make mistakes in my parenting. My heart aches for you.
((HUGS))
No you were not perfect....YOU ARE HUMAN!!! So please, cut yourself a break.
I cannot begin to tell you all the mistakes I made as a mother.
I wish for you, peace during this holiday season.
Love & hugs!
Not one of us can call ourselves 100% adequate for the job of parenting. We do the best we can and that is enough. No one parent is perfect. There had to have been other issues beside your parenting and that is something only CJ will know for sure.
You love your sons with all your heart. That is the best you can do.
I love you Hallie!
Sending you prayers for peace, strength and healing. I can't make you feel better but I am listening.
No, I don't know, but my feeling is --very strongly-- that you did not fail CJ. Sorry, I can't believe that. Parents are imperfect, and we say and do things with the hope that our kids will learn something and become the best people they can be. We do that out of love, even when we're angry. To say you failed him takes the freedom of will out of his hands--this decision-making ability that made him so very human--and he did have free will, which he sadly acted on. I understand your feelings of guilt, I really do. I am positive I would feel guilt too. But in reality, CJ chose to do what he did.
Much love, Hallie.
Kimber
I pray that some day you are able to find peace.
Wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas or as close to Merry as you can handle.
Lori
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