It's like losing you all over again.As if saying goodbye to you on April 15th wasn't hard enough.
Why did THIS news hit us so hard?
Can't stop thinking how sad it is.
I wanted to believe your heart was out there beating...somewhere.
That poor family.
To have had only a brief chance.
I grieve for them.
But for us, more.
Selfishly, I want your heart with us.
If it couldn't work for someone else, I wish it was with your ashes.
Makes no sense.
I know.
But true.
I know it was no more important than any other organ.
Three people woke up today because of you.
A man with your lungs.
A man with your right kidney.
A woman with your liver.
But your heart.
Is gone.
As is your left kidney.
Those people died...trying.
How tragic.
Yet reality.
My baby.
Your heart.
Is gone.
I know it was no more important than any other organ.
But it was.
It was your heart.
I miss you Shmoops.
34 comments:
My heart is heavy again this morning. I know what is logical, but matters of the heart are not matters of the mind. I'm so sorry this hurts to much, I'm so sorry this news ever had to come. I know that you know all of those things we can all say that are logical...it gave that person a chance they wouldn't have had...the family knew someone care enough to try.... all of that stuff. But emotionally, it makes perfect sense that this hurts so much. I can' only hope a piece of good news is somewhere around the corner, that CJ will show us all he is okay.... that comfort and peace will find your entire family, immediate, and extended, as well as friends who love you all.
I'm here. Every day. Every month. Every year. Forever.
Thank you for sharing CJ with us.
Oh Hallie I am so sorry. I wish all the recipients of CJ's organs would have gone perfectly!
You know our hearts - all our bloggy hearts - are with you, Hallie.
Oh {{{Hallie Hun}}},
I know these are just empty words but his heart still IS with you. In everything you do, in every breath you take.
It lives on in all those he touched along the way.
And will continue beat in the years to come through the love you, John and Connor continue to share.
His heart WILL go on, through all of you.
So sorry for the loss for that family. And still so sad for you, my friend :-(
My arms are around you.
Oh Hallie I wish I knew what to say. Just loving you from afar, wishing I could take away your pain.
I wish I could take away all the pain and hurt, I wish I could carry you in your times of despair, I wish I could be there to hug you, I wish I could wipe away your tears...I wish....
I can't but ONE can...lean on him, he never leaves us...
I Pray for you daily, you are always in my thoughts Hallie ♥
I'm so sorry Hallie...I wish there was something comforting to say.
Oh Hallie, I understand exactly what you're saying. As long as his heart was in someone you maybe had a part of him live on. An important part. I hate this for you, John and Connor. I am so very sorry. ((Hugs)) and always here...
I'm just thankful others did survive because of his organ donation...
when will your sadness end? How much longer do you have to endure the pain, and the loss? If I could have one wish come true, it would be to bring CJ back...
I am so sorry Hallie......
I don't have the right words but I'm here to listen. I'm so very sorry, Hallie!
I wish I knew THE right thing to say at times like this but I am sadly inadequate with words. I am holding you and yours close to my heart, may you feel the love that surrounds you~~~loveloveloveneverdies.
I totally get it.
It may help you to know that I talked to Molly today (my friend who lost her son almost two years ago), and she is in a good place. Still hurting, still wanting her boy back in the worst way, but putting one foot in front of the other and seeing a light. Love you...
{{{HUGS}}}
How very sad for the recipient's family.... they have had to endure so much too.
You will get through this Hallie.. in time and with the love of everyone around you.
And believe it or not... you are a strong girl...and you will be even stronger one day because of this.
I understand the sadness of this news. To have his heart live on in someone would mean that important piece of him was still here, still with you. But know that his heart gave someone a few more precious weeks of life, more time with their family, more time that they wouldn't have had before. It's a small gift but a gift still. I would do anything to bring CJ back, to have him walk through that door to hug you again. I hate that you are hurting and want to make it all better. All I can say is I am here for you for whatever you need anytime. I love you my friend.
CJ's heart lives on. It lives in the good deeds that we can all do in his name.
TODAY... my nearly 14 year old son rode off on his bike to hook up with friends.
I walked downstairs into his bedroom and I could have SPIT NICKLES.
Tornado Kevin. I had asked him to please clean his room.
I dashed off a quick text in CAPS... 'YOUR ROOM - I AM NOT HAPPY'.
I was about to hit send.... and I stopped and added...
'BUT I LOVE YOU'.
It was CJ's ♥ heart ♥ that caused me to add the ending that I did.
Love & Light
Deb
http://tinyurl.com/For-CJ-Fam-Love-Light
Oh, Hallie. My heart is broken again for you.
Hallie,
I haven't responded to you before because I'm a coward and I couldn't think of the "right" words to say to you. I know there are no right words and I should have just written anyway to let you know I am so very sorry for your loss. I do think of you every single day. It sounds like you have a great support system around you and I hope they will always be there for you. Please take care of yourself and know that there are so many people you have never met in real life who have their arms wrapped tightly around you...who have cried many tears for you, and who wish they could say the 'right' words to help you make it through this.
Ruth
I'm so sorry Hallie. Everyone is right, when it comes to matters of the heart, it doesn't matter what makes "logical" sense. I can't even imagine how hard this has all been for you and then this latest blow makes my heart ache for you (and the families of the people who couldn't hold on.) At the end of the day though CJ gave them hope, they got a chance, one that many people don't get, so it was not for nothing, hope is everything.
I love you Hallie. I too am always here.
Oh man. That one got me. Been largely mute in this whole ordeal but can't NOT say that I'm so so very sorry. Maybe you'll find peace eventually knowing that he did good. But regardless of how you slice it, the whole thing just sucks.
Peace
Oh Hallie...it's like the hits just keep coming for you all.
I'm so sorry.
xoxo
Hallie, I am so sorry for this devastating news.
CJ's heart is still all around, in his kindness and goodness, it's in those he loved.
I understand though, it is painful to know it's not with someone, and keeping them alive.
I'm sorry for the recipient's family and their loss as well.
I love you so much Hallie-Mama... <3
xoxoxo
HUGS
Oh.. I have been away to long and I came back to heartbreak. I am so very very sorry.
Dear Hallie, I can't help but sit here in tears for you. I am so sorry and I know I would feel the same way. ((HUGS)) You are in my thoughts and prayers each day.
I'm so sorry to hear this news.There are no words.
We're all trying so hard to give you a little, tiny piece of our hearts...somehow...someway....to make you feel just a little bit better.
Thinking about you and your family.
Thank you for the updates.
Thinking of you. Words seem inadequate .......
wow
I read your blog. I love it. My heart hurts for you and your family. 1 Kings 3:12 I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning
heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there
ever be.
I read your blog from time to time and was saddened to read your news. Hugs and comfort to you and your family. Just wanted to reach out and support. My prayers are with you. xoxo
I've been thinking a lot about you lately, even though I didn't comment a lot on your blog, I read you quite often.
I work with transplant patients, as my husband is the recipient of a liver from a 21 year old boy. I just wanted to let you know that the gift that your family made is truly magnificent. Thank you.
Kristin - The Goat
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